How do we realize what's truly important to us? How do we recognize our weaknesses, and learn not to hide behind them? How do we become balanced? How do we open that magical door that will show us the way to personal growth and success?

Carl Jung identified the process of personal growth, individuation, which is essentially the conscious realization of your true self, beyond the Ego that is presented by your conscious self.

This autobiography demonstrates my private evolution to realize that my personal perspectives and conscious ideas are only a small part of who I am, and that the more I attempted to develop and defend this superficial "self", the further I got away from my true Self. Unfortunately the vehicle of change involved the loss of a life-long friendship which I held dear yet has resulted in a stronger sense of who I am as a woman.

Two-column Story Table:

NARRATIVE	IMAGE
Fresh graduate from IUP. Had been accepted to 2 different law schools. What to do? As single mother was worried that the time/dedication would adversely affect my children.	Image of Me
Longtime best friend visits, I confide my concerns to her. She is 4 years ahead of me professionally with her MSW and starting new business.	Image of Friend
She suggests a business model of us working together and we lay out a 10 year plan. I am excited for what the future holds, comfortable in my decision. Feel secure with the amount of money I will earn and room for growth.	Image of us together.
I begin to work with my friend but it is not what I expected. She has spread herself “thin” taking on excessive work, makes no time for me, so I have no training or guidance. I approach her several times and she continues to put me off. She gives me projects and work that is above my competence level. Due to our relationship, I put in extra hours so that I educate myself and don’t let her down. I begin to get discouraged that there is no communication or appreciation for my work. At the same time, I want to please her since she is my friend. Begin to feel distress over dual relationship.	Image of an office Image of me frustrated, confused Image of me studying/reading books Image of being pulled in different directions
As part of the business arrangement, she requests that I research an appropriate amount for office lease. In the midst of this, I discover cheap office space and lease my own for privacy reasons. I also arrange for my clinical supervision, which would make my license more marketable and also make me more qualified than my friend.	Image of my new office
My friend misinterprets my leasing other office space. Instead of talking to me, she talks behind my back to the office secretary, who I suspect lied about why I leased the space. I discuss the issue with my friend, but she acts like it is no big deal and puts me off. This is the first time I notice a triangular relationship with the secretary playing the two of us against each other. I begin to notice they withhold information from me. I begin catching my friend lying to my face. I hear staff talking about me. Due to my LCSW, I sense a competitive atmosphere being developed by my friend, paranoia sets in for both.	Image of person with back turned Image of people whispering to each other Image of confusion (scratching head or something of that nature)
I tell myself that she would never do that to me and that she would have told me if there was an issue. I get mad at myself for not trusting her/doubting her. I tell myself I’m misinterpreting or reading too much into things. I strive to work harder for my friend and put my own office on the back burner. I tell myself that she only wants the best for me.	Image of me working harder
The tone in which she communicates changes. I suddenly get impersonal memos or emails about office matters. She ignores me in the morning and will go all day without talking to me. I tell myself that this is because she is busy and has nothing to do with us personally. I compartmentalize my feelings and tell myself she is just not good at being a boss and a friend. When I attempt to talk to her she is passive-aggressive and puts me off further making me feel like it’s just my imagination.	Image of memos. Images of “being ignored” Images of compartments
I hear from colleagues that she is talking badly about me to the head of an organization where we share a same contract. She is undermining me to get more work. I make excuses to the source saying they misunderstood. The person expresses if I don’t care why should they? I begin to doubt my friendship.	Image of one person stepping on another to get to “the top” Image of me doubting my friendship
During my clinical supervision with another professional, I decide to bring these issues into the conversation. My supervisor educates me that I am underpaid for my credentials; about insurance reimbursement and that she feels I am being exploited. She gives me avenues to educate myself. I discuss wanting to get my doctorate degree but that my friend is already upset with my LCSW and a doctorate degree may end our friendship due to her insecurities. My supervisor points out the inappropriateness of the dual relationship and that I am holding myself back, the consequences of such and that this does not benefit me.	Image of me talking to another professional. Image of me reading book/comuter.
I attend a conference where my friend ignores me and puts me off. For the first time, I feel professional isolation. I reach out at the conference to other professionals and begin relationships that I didn’t have. The experience is rewarding and I gain a sense of increased self-esteem and independence. At the same time, I am saddened by my friend’s behavior and confused on where our professional relationship stands. I begin to look at myself differently; as a professional on my own and not co-dependent on her. I decide to attend Fielding despite the consequences to our relationship.	Image of me being ignored Image of me talking to others as she watches Image of freedom Image of me applying to Fielding/Fielding logo
On advice from other professionals, I re-negotiate my contract with my friend. She becomes more angry and shady. She presents as though I am harming the practice by asking for more money. Yet, she just got back from the Bahamas. I catch her undermining me with a project for Fielding and hold her accountable. Even though I am professional, I know the personal ramifications of what happened.	Image of me facing my friend; only see her back; discussing my terms.
I realize that no matter what I do that she is no longer considering me a friend.  My impression becomes that she valued money over friendship. I begin to take less responsibility for what has occurred between us. I no longer share personal information at work. I hire staff at my office to increase my private practice. I begin to make choices based on my wants and goals without considering her. I finally let go of the dream of being in practice with her.	Image of me letting go Images of me “taking charge” Image of letting go

Concept

This first assignment has taken some time to develop...almost three months! I wanted the process required by Dr. Ohler to not only be educational, but as a vehicle for personal development. During the January 2010 session, I was intrigued with Dr. Ohler's use of media in psychology. Victims of abuse used the process we are undergoing to work through or process the deep emotional effects of their trauma. Therefore, I am using this assignment to assist me in conceptualizing some of the major changes, hurdles, grief and freedom I have undergone (as this is an autobiography) without making myself too vulerable. These changes, both professionally and personally, have occurred over the course of six years and I am excited to use this vehicle to chronicle my evolution.